Big Pimpin'

It was 2am and I was filling my tank at the Mobile station on Santa Monica and Vine when a black man wearing a pale yellow suit approached me.

“You drive a Lexus!” He exclaimed.

I don’t want to brag, but I do drive a 1992 Lexus, which is a pretty nice car if you’re living in the year 1992. In 2008, it's covered in scrapes and dents, and the tape player is broken so you can’t even plug and ipod into it. Luckily, it does have heated seats, which really come in handy living in the freezing cold tundra that is Los Angeles.

“Someday I’m going to get me a Lexus,” the black man said.

“That’s cool.” I said, nodding.

“What do you do?” He asked me.

“I’m a comedian,” I said.

“You’re a comedian? I’m a pimp!” He said, as if being a comedian and being a pimp were two soul career paths, and that though he chose the path of a pimp, there was a day when he could have just as easily become a comedian. A day when, had he come across a stage with a live mic he might have turned to comedy, but instead he came across an over-weight cock-sucking sister and turned her out.

“You want to see my hos?” The pimp asked.

“Sure,” I said. I mean, how many times in your life do you get to meet real actual hos?

I walked over to the pimp’s late 80’s model Lincoln Towncar, which was parked at one of the other pumps.

The pimp opened the rear driver side door, and sure enough, inside were three chunky black women wrapped in tight short spandex dresses.

“This is Monique, Bunny and Luscious,” he said.

“Nice to meet you,” I said.

The hos smiled. I smiled back, and then I got the fuck out of there.