A New Breakthrough in Vagina Surgery

Normally, vaginas are used for sexual intercourse, birthing children, and on the internet, holding the occasional ringing cell phone or Heineken bottle. That just wasn't good enough for some people.

Recently, doctors in Spain removed a woman's kidney through her vagina. This sounds like the mad scientist version of that game your uncle would play where he "found" the quarter in your ear.

The technique is called “Natural Orifice Transluminal Endoscopy Surgery”, since “Vag Kidney Snatch” doesn’t sound scientific enough. Using this technique, they make a small incision inside the vaginal canal, and perhaps a few other small incisions in what doctors call the “tummy” area. Then they stick in some instruments, make a few cuts, and bam! There’s a cancerous kidney popping out your baby cave.

They claim there’s much less scaring, less pain, and patients get to go home sooner. The only downside is that women have to live in a world where doctors can reach into vaginas and pull out their organs.

I haven’t seen any, but I've heard that there are vaginae here in Los Angeles (Editor's note: Spare me your sob stories). How will “Natural Orifice Transluminal Endoscopy Surgery” effect our Vaginos Angelenos?

Like all advances in surgery, medicine, or Photoshop, I predict this technique will be used to give women fake titties. If it works for ripping things out, why not use it to shove things in? There are lots of women in this town that will jump at the chance to get some boob enhancement with no side effects besides increased buoyancy and a scar inside their love canal.

And lets face it, a lot of the girls getting these implants already have some wear and tear down there.

I foresee a future where women get their stem-cell grown breasts implanted through their vagina in the morning, take their flying rocket sled to Dippin Dots for lunch, then have a sensible dinner. A sensible dinner of robot.

Welcome to the future. We’re shoving it up your vagina.