Squash the Newspaper Beef!

On March 27, 2008, The Los Angeles Times apologized for publishing an article a week earlier detailing a conspiracy to kill rapper Tupac Shakur. The original story was based on fabricated documents. In response to this west coast flare up of irresponsible journalism, east coast newspaper rival The New York Times has retaliated with its own misinformed article and apology combo, detailing and retracting a false plot to kill the Notorious B.I.G, continuing the violent feud between the two print publication giants.

I’ve seen it a thousand times: this vicious cycle of newspapers publishing an article based on misinformation, only to subsequently issue an apology for said article is just a publicity stunt by both publications to gain attention and sell more newspapers. But what about the children? Our impressionable youth view these giants of print media as role models, and this ruthless feuding sets a terrible example for America’s kids.

Everyday I walk down the street I see younger and younger kids reading newspapers, dressed like journalists, taunting one another with violent threats such as “The New York Times can eat a dick!” or “L.A. Times 4 Life!” all the while wagging their genitals in arrogance over who has the better subscription to world news, events, culture, sports, and opinion sections. I can’t turn on the evening news without seeing another senseless murder over which newspaper provides better coverage of the 2008 presidential election. This morning I saw a kid get shit all over himself trying to take a dump in a New York Times newspaper stand. It’s shameful.

Please newspapers, heed the words of our late brother, Tupac Shakur: “We need to start making changes; learn to see me as a brother, ‘stead of two distant strangers.”