Spam-a-Lot

Robert Alan Soloway was arrested last summer and charged in a 40-count indictment for using multiple computer networks to send out millions upon millions of junk e-mails. Mad Atoms has exclusively obtained his will, in which he bequeaths various spam programs to his family and loved ones.

To my beloved mother Martha Soloway, you are a beacon of goodness, and I thank you for being the caring soul that you are. I bequeath my spam ads entitled "WANT BIGgER DICKZ OVER NIGHT?"

To my son Jeremy, you are my pride and joy, and it is a tragedy larger than life itself that I will not be around to see you grow into a man. In my stead, I bequeath you my junk emails promising "MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OVER NIGHT and LARGE COCKS!"

To my sister Laura, and her husband Roger, the love you two share inspires me to be a better person, and live every day to its fullest. To you both, I bequeath “Prince oF NiGErIA nEEDs your Help… PLUS Grow a HUMUNGOUS COCK in SeCONDS flat!!!!”

And finally, to me wife Josie, you teach me something new about myself every day, and I promise that next time you nag me about not setting up multiple computer networks in order to send out millions upon millions of junk e-mails, I will listen to your loving words. To you my sweet, I bequeath “BiGGEST PrICKS ArOUND!!!!!---PRICKS ILLEGALLY BIGGEr ThAN yOU CAn HANDLE !!!1!!”

As Always,

Robert Alan Soloway

“Spam King”