Robot Hero

First they took our jobs. Now they are taking our leisure time.

Is a hero someone with exceptional courage? Or just a normal man who puts his life at risk for the safety of others?

Defining a hero is difficult, but for many Americans, a hero is someone who plays cover songs with great accuracy. A Guitar Hero.

In a way, Guitar Hero gave us the chance to become heroes in our living room, without braving any dangers besides carpal tunnel syndrome or looking like a douche.

Sure, that Playstation could keep throwing little dots at us, but we knew that with hard work and a little luck, we could transcend our normal selves and start playing on medium.

Now that all might be taken away.

Students at Texas A&M have created a robot that can read the video signals coming from Guitar Hero, and press the correct buttons. It is called the “SlashBot”, and it gets around 95% accuracy on expert.

Thank god emo kids haven’t figured out a way to design their own “SlashBot.”

A similar, more retarded robot called the Guitar Heronoid, gets about 50% accuracy on medium, but looks far more menacing.

Haven’t these engineers seen “War Games?” When computers start playing games for fun, they don’t know when to stop. And the computer in that movie was like an Apple IIe. Imagine the destruction a properly trained PS3 would wreak.

But worst of all, one man has started using these sinister machines against his own kind.

A father, dismayed at his son’s ability to repeatedly beat the crap out of him in Guitar Hero, modified his “guitar” to play the notes for him in real time. The result was the AutoGuitarHero.

It’s damn good at Guitar Hero, but is finishing “Cliffs of Dover” on expert worth teaching your child that cheating is ok?

These infernal machines have already torn one family apart. So please, help stop these video game playing robots. I fear it already too late.