Hollywood Home and Garden: Mexican or Meth?

Keeping your living space neat and clean is hard work, but it doesn’t have to be. With a crystal meth hook up and a city full of Mexicans eager to work, you’ve got options. In a matter of hours, both can help transform your abode from dingy to dazzling! So what does a savvy Hollywood homemaker do? Amanda Egge answers the question on every Angelino’s mind: Mexican or meth?

Cost: The street value of meth is about $25 for a ¼ gram. The street value of a Mexican is about $50 for a one-bedroom apartment. In the short run, meth is cheaper than a Mexican. However, if you make it a habit out of it, you’re going to need more and more meth for the same job, whereas a Mexican habit will hold steady at fifty bucks a pop.

Effectiveness: On meth, you will clean the grout out of your kitchen counter, organize your sock drawer and make a hanging mobile out of silverware and fishing wire! No germs can get by a meth user and a bottle of Clorox bleach. In contrast, a Mexican will do a pretty good job making your place look clean, but they will probably not think to dust the top of the doorframe and they definitely won’t hand pick every piece of lint off your carpet. Then again, Mexican’s don’t make your teeth fall out.

The Law: Meth is illegal. So are Mexicans if they are undocumented or paid under the table. Either way you are screwed, especially if you are a Republican and plan on someday running for public office, so you may as well go for the fun factor and Mexicans have Piñatas!

Gay Orgies: Unless your Mexican is a hot seventeen your old boy with a tight ass and a penchant for sucking cock, meth is always the party favor of choice for gay orgies. Plus meth will make you look super hot in your skinny jeans!

In summary, for a one-time spring-cleaning, meth is definitely the way to go, but if you’re looking for cleaner quarters year round without the dental complications, take my Hollywood homemaker advice: go Mexican!