J-Date Anal Sex Fat Chick Jew
I’m a Jew. Well, sort of. I’m not very religious, and neither are my parents. But I guess if the Muslim terrorists come, I’ll be one of the first rounded up and stuffed in the brick pita oven.
Ages ago, I signed up for Match.com. My parents wanted me to date Jews, so they offered to pay for a J-Date subscription, where I met a bunch of freaks and super-religious chicks. So I wasn’t feeling too confident in the service.
The last time I was single, I figured I’d give J-Date another shot. I met this girl online. Her pictures showed her as cute, in a Jappy way. We sent some flirty emails back and forth, exchanged AIM screen names, and wasted most of a week online sending increasingly risqué messages back and forth.
That Friday, she came by my apartment. I opened the door to find a pudgy troll. This chick was obviously a Photoshop wizard. If I ever needed to put Jessica Alba’s face on some porn star’s tits, I knew where to go. “Wow, you’re much cuter in person,” she beamed. I almost swallowed my tongue.
Still, I was committed. We walked up the street to my neighborhood bar. She proceeded to get hammered. She kept rubbing my nipples through my shirt and telling me how hot I was. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth (and this chick was very horsey), I downed ten drinks and we stumbled back to my apartment.
She came at me, trying to devour my face. I turned off the lights, but could still make out her Shrek-like features. I inhaled a couple bong hits and moved into the bedroom, where it was much darker. In a fog of booze and marijuana, I hammered this poor ugly Jewess like the British burning Washington, D.C. to the ground in retaliation for the American Revolution.
I pulled out of her cavernous vagina and slammed my cock into her butt. Usually when you go for anal, you get stopped with a shriek or a “What the fuck are you doing?” This girl simply said “Go get some lube.”
The next morning, she woke up, smiled at me, and said her ass hurt. I walked her down the street to the Cuban bakery and bought her a croissant and a cup of coffee, then sent her on her way. I figure any girl who lets me stick it in her ass deserves breakfast.*
*Up to a $5 value, including tax and tip.
Ages ago, I signed up for Match.com. My parents wanted me to date Jews, so they offered to pay for a J-Date subscription, where I met a bunch of freaks and super-religious chicks. So I wasn’t feeling too confident in the service.
The last time I was single, I figured I’d give J-Date another shot. I met this girl online. Her pictures showed her as cute, in a Jappy way. We sent some flirty emails back and forth, exchanged AIM screen names, and wasted most of a week online sending increasingly risqué messages back and forth.
That Friday, she came by my apartment. I opened the door to find a pudgy troll. This chick was obviously a Photoshop wizard. If I ever needed to put Jessica Alba’s face on some porn star’s tits, I knew where to go. “Wow, you’re much cuter in person,” she beamed. I almost swallowed my tongue.
Still, I was committed. We walked up the street to my neighborhood bar. She proceeded to get hammered. She kept rubbing my nipples through my shirt and telling me how hot I was. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth (and this chick was very horsey), I downed ten drinks and we stumbled back to my apartment.
She came at me, trying to devour my face. I turned off the lights, but could still make out her Shrek-like features. I inhaled a couple bong hits and moved into the bedroom, where it was much darker. In a fog of booze and marijuana, I hammered this poor ugly Jewess like the British burning Washington, D.C. to the ground in retaliation for the American Revolution.
I pulled out of her cavernous vagina and slammed my cock into her butt. Usually when you go for anal, you get stopped with a shriek or a “What the fuck are you doing?” This girl simply said “Go get some lube.”
The next morning, she woke up, smiled at me, and said her ass hurt. I walked her down the street to the Cuban bakery and bought her a croissant and a cup of coffee, then sent her on her way. I figure any girl who lets me stick it in her ass deserves breakfast.*
*Up to a $5 value, including tax and tip.
Labels: madatoms personals
posted by Snuffy Johnson at
Thursday, March 06, 2008
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