That Stupid Cell Phone Law

If you think that driving while talking on a cell phone is dangerous, you should see all the crazy shit that I do!

A law is about to take effect in California that will ban talking on your cell phone without a headset.

You might be asking, why? Some asshole did a study and found that talking on your cell phone is as dangerous as driving drunk. I have no problem believing this. I've driven drunk over a thousand times. Not once did I get into an accident. Number of accidents I've gotten into sober? 7.

The problem isn't talking on your phone- that's only as dangerous as having a one armed man driving and talking to a passenger. If the average American can follow the plot of Lost, I’m pretty sure he/she can handle this level of multi-tasking. It’s driving while dialing that’s the issue.

I should know. In the last week alone, I have done the following while driving: made phone calls, sent text messages, read e-mails, responded to e-mails, edited a friend’s contact info, performed numerous searches on google maps, looked up movie times, checked my facebook page to see if this girl had responded to my last message (she hadn’t, of course, because if she had I’d have gotten an e-mail), and checked the Drudge Report for late-breaking news.

This, by the way, all performed with an iPhone, which means that typing requires me to look at the phone at all times.

The other day, I was driving to a bar, and for some reason I was craving an Arnold Palmer, but I forgot what it was called, and I was embarrassed to ask, so I googled "lemonade iced tea" while driving down the 134. This only minutes after I had changed my shirt while driving. The trick is to hold the steering wheel with your knees and hope a car doesn’t cut you off. It helps to have long legs and a belief in a kind and loving God.

In fact, talking on my phone without a headset is the safest thing you can do while driving. It’s the only time where it's impossible to look at the phone.