Battle of the Illegals

There’s more than one group of lawbreakers menacing LA.

Back in 2002, the city of Los Angeles banned any new billboards from going up. Like the laws against public urination or gang murder, the law has been largely ignored. According to LA Weekly, since the ban, over 4000 illegal billboards have gone up in Los Angeles.

On the other hand, with the current rate of growth, the LA area is set to be home to 1.3 million Illegal Immigrants by 2010. Mathematically, I think that works out to no Mexicans actually in Mexico.

Two groups of lawbreakers. One LA. Which one is doing the most damage to our fair city? Well, here’s the breakdown on how each group helps, or harms Los Angeles.

A pretty one may marry me for citizenship?

Billboards: No

Immigrants: Probably not, but maybe

Winner: Illegal immigrants

Make me sad by reminding me that I flunked Spanish in high school?

Immigrants: Yes

Billboards: Yes. Many billboards are in Spanish.

Winner: Tie

Place for ugly graffiti?

Billboards: Yes

Immigrants: No

Winner: Illegal immigrants

Might team up with a friend to remind me when Indiana Jones comes out?

Billboards: Yes.

Immigrants: Even if they did, I don’t speak their illegal immigrant language.

Winner: Illegal Billboards

Take the job of one of my friends or another hardworking American?

Immigrants: Possibly

Billboards: Possibly. I have a friend who is a sign holder.

Winner: Tie

Cook me a delicious meal at one of LA’s fine restaurants.

Billboards: No

Immigrants: Yes.

Winner: Illegal immigrants

Hold a rally that holds up traffic?

Billboards: No

Immigrants: Yes

Winner: Illegal Billboards

Make me wait longer at an overcrowded emergency room?

Billboards: No

Immigrants: Yes

Winner: Illegal Billboards

Move leaves from one part of the yard to another part of the yard using a device that blows air?

Billboards: No

Immigrants: Yes

Winner: Yard owners

Make the Home Depot parking lot look like a crowed, popular, happening place?

Immigrants: Yes

Billboards: No

Winner: Illegal Immigrants

Make a Republican upset

Billboards: doubt it.

Immigrants: Yes.

Winner: Illegal Immigrants

Results:

Immigrants:8 points.

Billboards: 4 points.

Yard Owners: 1 point.

It looks like illegal billboards are harming our city far more than the illegal immigrants. It’s time to round them up and send them back to where they came from.