I'd like "Non-producer," please.

A call for a new trend in LA dining.

Choosing between "smoking" and "non-smoking" when dining is a practice we no longer deal with here in LA since smoking is now banned in all public gathering places. And you know what? I fully support that. I think its one of the more progressive, health-minded decisions our state has made in the last 20 years.

And in the spirit of being socially progressive, I'm publicly petitioning the city of Los Angeles to provide two new restaurant sections to take the place of "smoking" and "non." I think it's critical for the dining establishments in the greater Los Angeles area to provide "producer" and "non-producer" sections for their patrons.

Since I moved to this city, I don't think I've had a single meal out that didn't involve trying to talk over the loud, cocky, empty ramblings of a producer in an adjacent booth. Whether they're having a business meal or just blowing off some steam after work with a few El Nino Margaritas, their constant biz speak is much more disruptive than a few hipsters puffing on a cigarette while they eat their pancakes.

So I, and the rest of the LA dining community, would greatly appreciate the option of these two new sections: Choosing the designated "non-producer" section would allow you the luxury of eating your meal in peace without being subjected to unwanted glad-handing, Hollywood lingo, empty promises, and hearing the word "project" more than twice per minute. Choosing the "producer" section means you'll hear your fair share of douchey double-speak, however you do have the right to approach any producer eating their meal and, without warning or tact, pitch your "awesome idea" for a new reality show.

Its not just a move towards a more peaceful dining experience, its a move towards social justice. You know what they say: if you can't beat 'em, segregate them into the back corner of a restaurant.