Judging A Book By Its Cover: The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

I’d drink their kool-aid.

When someone asks me what they need to do if they’re considering a move to LA, I say two things: get a Westside Rentals membership and join a good, strong cult.

I recommend The Secret mainly because it has a cover that looks like a treasure map. It shows that the book is one step above a metal detector. It will show you a path that will lead you to treasure. Spiritually, emotionally, monetarily.

Perhaps more importantly, the treasure map cover tells me the The Secret is also about pirates. L. Ron Hubbard may have been clever enough to include some aliens in his cult. And The Artists Workshop has, well, artists, I guess. But if I’m moving into a commune, I’d rather brush my teeth next to a pirate rather than some incense burning, patchouli wearing, Venice beach Artist or baby Suri.

Also, the title and author’s name is written in a way that makes it look like it glows. Just like Jesus, or E.T. I don’t know. I’m just saying that if someone glows, then I’m more inclined to listen to His or Her worldviews.

And let’s not overlook the fact that there is a big, fake wax seal on the cover. This strongly suggests that The Secret contains the answer to, um, well, something very, very important.

My only suggestion? Maybe include a ring with each book purchase, sort of like the CTR (“Choose the Right”) rings the Mormons wear. Or one of those rubber bracelets like the Lance Armstrong followers sport. I became obsessed with having both of those when they came out, and I suppose it is similar to how I wanted a retainer when I was ten. I’m not saying it’s essential, but it does sweeten the pot.