The Title

Pretty much everyone who has a job tries to make it sound better than it really is by taking liberties with their title.

Here are some typical title enhancements:

-- Postal Worker – “Federal Official”

-- Receptionist – “Office Manager”

-- Secretary – “Personal Assistant”

-- Gas pumper – “Petrol Exporter”

It’s much worse in Hollywood. No longer need one’s title have anything whatsoever to do with one’s actual vocation. A good example of this is the waitress who claims to be an actress, a singer and a dancer. But somehow our server enumerating her various little talents strikes us as kind of cute, charming, and reassuringly pathetic. It’s less benign when egos are on the line and deception is involved.

You’re at a party yukking it up with a twenty-something who’s wearing a blazer over a T-shirt with elaborate designs, and it’s pretty tricky to figure out whether he’s a producer or a local sceney douche bag. He says he’s a producer. What he doesn’t say is that he’s actually a bartender at the Dresden who intends on one day possibly being a producer, should the stars align just right. You proceed to waste the next couple weeks sending him your script or head shot, or whatever, until you bump into him on a Wednesday night and he introduces you to the only power brokers he knows – Marty and Elaine, who both perform nightly.

This is less annoying than the fact that Angelenos think projecting success is a necessary first step to becoming successful. They don’t take many steps to become successful past the initial projection.

Here’s how conversations would go if we were half-way honest with each other:

Guy: So, what do you do?

Other Guy: I burn copies of reels all day, sometimes pick up lunch, and get reamed by anyone in the office having a bad day. What about you?

Guy: I post internet videos that are kind of funny.

Unfortunately, this is how it actually goes:

Guy: So, what do you do?

Other Guy: I’m a post-production supervisor and media consultant. You?

Guy: I’m a producer.