My iPhone Makes Me Cum

Yes, I love my iPhone. No, I don’t care that it doesn’t have ‘cut and paste’ or that I can’t “voice dial”. Okay, sure, cut and paste would be nice, but my iPhone does things that no other cutting and pasting smartphone can. My iPhone makes me cum.


Okay, so technically it has only made me cum once. But the fact of the matter is that my iPhone was responsible for bringing me to orgasm. How many people can say that about their lame ass BlackBerry? I don’t care if you have BBM and a tactile keyboard. I’ve got a sex toy in my pocket that plays 2000 of my favorite songs, oh and I can also use it to call my mom.

See my iPhone has iBrate, the 3rd party iPhone application that unleashes the vibrational power of the iPhone and turns into a sleek $399 pocket rocket with data roaming (or $599 if you were an early sucker, I mean adapter, like myself.).

Yes, you have to “hack” your iPhone in order to add iBrate, and yes, Apple says this will void your warranty, but that just makes it all the more dangerous and exciting. The iPhone isn’t just a pocket rocket; it’s a lawless h4x0r love machine!

For almost six months I had iBrate on my iPhone, but I never used it except to show my friends “look what my iPhone can do!” Then, one night, stranded out of state without a Rabbit or a date, I consummated my relationship with my iPhone.

Like many first times with a lover, it was a bit awkward and it took a little longer than normal. The iPhone isn’t really the best shape for a vibrator and its actual vibes aren’t very powerful. But in a jam, it worked and eventually I got off.

So stop hating the iPhone. You’re just mad because your fingers are too fat for the keyboard. Oh, and my iPhone has been places your fat BBMing fingers will never go. Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv. Ohhhhh yeaaaaaahhhhhh.