Hollywood's Decision Makers

Slightly older than Miley Cyrus, probably a fan of her music – that’s who decides whether your movie gets made.

So I’m at this event for new film school graduates where, on the eve of their commencement, they get to pitch films to Important Studios and Hollywood Agencies, hoping against all odds to sell an idea. These are eager, ambitious people, bursting with fervor to gain traction on the movie they just spent two years and $90,000 writing, their voices trembling with energy, skin radiating the message, “Please…”

These people have been led to believe that this is a room filled with decision-makers, power players, a launchpad for dreams, gateway to the business they dreamt they would join, and rightfully so. They are good writers. The program well-regarded, the faculty top-notch.

But imagine the surprise of the 28-year-old artistic type who sat down in front of two Agency Representatives about midway through the session, ready to pitch his dark drama about a psychic teenager, only to find himself utterly ignored. Across the table from him were two of Hollywood’s front line of true decision makers - drunk 21-year-old D-girls. And this pair were having one of those important insider conversations that precluded the writer from getting a word in edgewise – which of the agents in the room they were going to try to fuck later.

When one girl finally decided to listen to the poor guy, she began to yawn, openly, unabashedly, twirling her hair while the dude pitched his heart out. Yes, these are the people who forge the output of Hollywood – drunk sorority survivors who know only too well the real currency in Los Angeles: Pussy.

Could this business suck any more?