Trailer Trash: Iron Man

Iron Man is responsible for the next terrorist attack.



Hey assholes, the 80’s were awesome for a reason. We had badass action stars as heroes, not smartass geeks like Toby McGuire and now, Robert Downey, Jr. What's next, Michael Cera as the Incredible Hulk? Schwarzenegger is a fucking governor right now. The people have spoken.

In Iron Man, directed by Jon Favreau (yeah, the guy in Swingers, no, really, I swear), Robert Downey Jr. plays a sarcastic, MySpace joke cracking arms dealer who gets kidnapped by terrorists and is forced to make missiles for them. Judging from the trailer, Downey “realizes what he has to do,” what any of us would naturally do: build a steel suit that’s bullet-proof and shoots fire and can fly. I don’t care if that is what happened in the comics, it’s still retarded and comic books are retarded. There, I said it, someone had to.

Also, I'm a little shocked at the racism in this trailer. I’d be delighted to see villainous A-rabs making a comeback True Lies-style, but where's the bona fide jee-had freedom-hatin'? In Iron Man they're just there to push the man-becomes-machine plot. This portrayal is demeaning and offensive. I demand that the A-rab culture be given more prominence in future trailers.

Halfway through the trailer, Iron Man escapes from jail and into your standard, syncopated-drum-beat-making-out-with-hot-chick-action-trailer montage, culminating with his flying in formation with F-16s.

This is why other countries hate us.

Oh, and guess what song the montage is cut to? Iron Man. Pretty fucking clever.