Never Trust a Shirtless Man, and Other Lessons Learned from a Downtown LA Male Crack Whore

Despite the city's attempts to gentrify the homeless male crack whores out of downtown and push them into Pasadena, these homeboys have way more wisdom to offer you than the Ryan Gosling types (who will soon be moving into a loft above the warehouse where you scored blow in back in high school.)

Follow these tips in your day to day affairs to ensure maximum success in life.

7. Never trust a shirtless man. His name is Larry. He's a selfish lover.

6. "It seemed funny at the time" is never a good excuse for stealing a baby.

5. Don't ask George Michael to wake you up before he goes goes, no matter how much it makes you giggle.

4. Commit arson only to cover up serious crimes -- not littering or public urination.

3. If you get a legitimate job interview and the employer asks about your skills, avoid phrases like, "I'll suck on anything."

2. When you're in a police lineup, refrain from making the "throat-slashing" gesture, even if warranted.

1. Never fall in love.