Rollin' Camry

A princess's guide to low-income housing.

You got a little debit card happy this month at Les Deux. What’s another round, for everyone… in the whole bar? You bought new headshots to go with your new hair color. You did that quickie Vegas marriage thing and the Elvis chapel was more expensive than you planned. So was your divorce lawyer. Shit costs mad money, yo.

You’re broke.

You’ve got some options.

Cut back on skinny latte consumption, or cut back elsewhere. You decide to move out, and move into your Toyota for a while. Shit, those skinny lattes are tasty. Besides, living in your car will build character.

Jewel wrote a hit song in her car. Bobby Brown did cocaine in his car. Eddie Murphy fucked a ...you get the idea.

Here are some tips to succeeding on the streets.

Drive east of Fairfax. There’s more parking, and less parking regulations. You can sleep overnight, and no one will notice. Grab a sink shower at your local McD’s, pull on your Dior, and head back to the Westside promised land. No one will ever know your secret.

Get a hip windshield blocker. Not only does it keep you protected from the sun, but also from car hoppers. If you park somewhere too long, and you leave yourself vulnerable you might find someone else (Corey Haim) trying to live in your car with you.

Remember your situation is only temporary. We’re headed for a recession. Save your bread, and know that one day soon rent has to get cheap, because ain’t nobody gonna be rich no more.