Things I Learned From Facebook
One of the things we all wonder about is how other people see us. Thankfully, Facebook is stepping in to fill that knowledge gap. Because if Facebook stands for anything, it’s self-awareness.
The Compare People Application on Facebook is a service that asks you to answer questions about your friends such as, “Who would I rather take shopping?” and “Who is cooler?” Sadly, there is no “Would rather see die in a horrible car crash,” or, “Least likely to recognize on the street.”
I have two #1 rankings: more athletic, and better hair. The athletic thing comes from the fact that I play racquetball, and most of my friends are lazy degenerates. As for better hair- it’s true, I have great hair. I also have an inordinate number of bald friends.
As we move down the list, things start to get a little less complimentary. I rank #75 in the Best Listener category. Which apparently proves that you don’t need to be a good listener to be a good friend- I rank a strong #3 in that category.
Only 2 out of 10 thought I was more fashionable, ranking me 103rd, practically last, leaving me well behind my friend who repeatedly gets mistaken for a homeless person. It gets worse. I’m #26th on Sexier, getting only 46% of the vote . Only 3 out of 7 think I’m more attractive (#49), 3 out of 8 would rather sleep with me (#50), and only 3 out of 10 would rather date me (#71).
Yes, I’m a cliché, the guy that ends up being the hot girl’s friend. She doesn’t want to hook up with me because she wouldn’t want to ruin that. Whereas before, I had been able to pass this off as a coincidence, now I’m faced with the grim reality of cold statistics.
Back when I had only 100 friends, my rankings were much higher. I was #1 in Smartest, Funniest, even Better Catch. I began to see myself in a new light. I was quicker to interject a quip at dinner. At the gym, I found myself making giving atrociously hot girls head-nods, as if I recognized them from our frequent Hyde run-ins. Even my friends took notice. I became an authority on items in the news. They started talking about setting me up with single girls they knew.
But with more Facebook friends came a bigger sample size, and thus, a more accurate poll.
On the other hand, my Zombie Army is 44 strong, making me a Zombie warlord.
The Compare People Application on Facebook is a service that asks you to answer questions about your friends such as, “Who would I rather take shopping?” and “Who is cooler?” Sadly, there is no “Would rather see die in a horrible car crash,” or, “Least likely to recognize on the street.”
I have two #1 rankings: more athletic, and better hair. The athletic thing comes from the fact that I play racquetball, and most of my friends are lazy degenerates. As for better hair- it’s true, I have great hair. I also have an inordinate number of bald friends.
As we move down the list, things start to get a little less complimentary. I rank #75 in the Best Listener category. Which apparently proves that you don’t need to be a good listener to be a good friend- I rank a strong #3 in that category.
Only 2 out of 10 thought I was more fashionable, ranking me 103rd, practically last, leaving me well behind my friend who repeatedly gets mistaken for a homeless person. It gets worse. I’m #26th on Sexier, getting only 46% of the vote . Only 3 out of 7 think I’m more attractive (#49), 3 out of 8 would rather sleep with me (#50), and only 3 out of 10 would rather date me (#71).
Yes, I’m a cliché, the guy that ends up being the hot girl’s friend. She doesn’t want to hook up with me because she wouldn’t want to ruin that. Whereas before, I had been able to pass this off as a coincidence, now I’m faced with the grim reality of cold statistics.
Back when I had only 100 friends, my rankings were much higher. I was #1 in Smartest, Funniest, even Better Catch. I began to see myself in a new light. I was quicker to interject a quip at dinner. At the gym, I found myself making giving atrociously hot girls head-nods, as if I recognized them from our frequent Hyde run-ins. Even my friends took notice. I became an authority on items in the news. They started talking about setting me up with single girls they knew.
But with more Facebook friends came a bigger sample size, and thus, a more accurate poll.
On the other hand, my Zombie Army is 44 strong, making me a Zombie warlord.
Labels: all for rofl
posted by Hillel Aron at
Monday, March 10, 2008
1 Comments:
i have hired the accoounting firm of Goldstien & Clare to keep current on my rating statistics.... this way if i am ever audited i will be protected
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