Who to Kill at your Production Office

Why let Postal Service employees have all the fun?

THE COMPLAINER: What's worse? His bitch-moan session about how during production there is too much to do, or that in development things are too slow?

THE INTERN: Her shirt's too low, she's too eager, and the boss has already fingered her in the elevator. Too bad she'll be replaced next semester.

THE SLICK WILLY: Watch this one!!! Umbilical connections from his mouth and lips to the boss's ears and ass … he steals your good ideas, derides your bad ones, and throws you under the bus (that you ride back to Temecula).

THE SENIOR CITIZEN: It shouldn't be hard to point her out; she's the one with the walker. Unaccustomed to technology, she tends to slap the side of her computer monitor to get her "electronic typewriter" to return. The smallest computer glitch results in a steady stream of whining until somebody comes to give advice, usually something like, "Try plugging it in."

THE NINNY: This middle-aged, all-American gal loves to gossip. Every time you step into her Beanie Baby-strewn cubicle, her whisper session cuts short, and she plasters on the same fake Rice-Krispies-Square-Eating smile she gives the boss. Everyone spits in her Sanka.

THE RISER: He's younger than you, but he'll be your boss in six months. He's social, assertive … a real go-getter who always covers his ass by cc-ing department heads on emails.

THE KNOW-NOTHING: She relishes giving input on simple, insignificant topics ("You should use a semicolon here instead of a comma.") to show that she's contributing. She also takes notes in meetings, types them out, and distributes copies that no one looks at.

THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BOSS: She is always positive and periodically sends department-wide emails, actually directed to just one person, announcing things like: "Just a friendly reminder!! The Lime Green Volkswagen, license plate 4J4K42, who parks in reserved spaces, will result in disciplinary action next time ... Thanks all!!!"