The Irish Lick Batteries.

No one there will admit it, but there's one city in America that secretly cheered when 9/11 happened: Hollywood, California.

In an era in which Soviet communism had fallen, Iraq had been subdued, and political correctness had rendered all minorities and nationalities slur-free, Hollywood finally had its go-to bad guys: the Arabs. Nowadays, if anyone objects to Arab terrorist stereotypes in films like The Kingdom or the upcoming Iron Man , all filmmakers have to do is wave a tiny American flag, maybe shed a tear, and point to Ground Zero.

I understand Hollywood's need to demonize -- I mean, someone has to be the bad guy -- but these old, outdated stereotypes are tired. If you've got to pigeonhole someone, why not come up with a new, hip line of stereotypes -- something the kids can sink their teeth into? Plus, by constantly shifting stereotypes, people won't even realize when they're being insulted! So, without further ado, I propose the nouveau stereotypes you'll hopefully be seeing at a theater near you -- because what's a movie for if not to spread crude generalizations?

1. The Irish lick batteries.
2. Blacks, given the choice, would prefer not to floss.
3. Native Americans, ironically, find pollution hilarious.
4. Swedes look boxy in jeans.
5. Asians admire Jessica Alba for her body of work.
6. Canadians smell like patent leather.
7. The French shot Tupac.
8. Saudi Arabians molt.
9. Afghans say they'll call the next day, but they don't.
10. Brazilians kick small dogs.
11. The Japanese still use the word "bling" irony-free.
12. Australians wipe back to front.
13. Iraqis enjoy giving wet willies just a bit too much.
14. The Swiss hate everyone.
15. Pakistanis diss your mama.