Hillary Clinton Might be a Redneck

...Or not.

For much of the past year, despite the bickering between the two major Democratic candidates for president, there's been little to differentiate the two -- aside from the fact that one of them has a penis and the other one is black. Zing! But I digress. Now, thanks to the backlash from Obama's "clinging to guns and religion" comment, Hillary has stumbled upon a goldmine of voters: the poor and the stupid.

It's a noble enough gesture -- after all, I've heard they're people too -- but by giving speeches from the beds of pickup trucks and throwing back brewskies in hillbilly dive bars, she's implying that somehow she's one of them. Apparently, you might be a redneck if you got your undergrad from Wellesley and went to Yale Law School, married a Rhodes Scholar, and wrote two New York Times #1 best-sellers.

Bill, with his "Aw shucks" Southern charm, could pull it off versus Bush Sr., but Hillary, for all her effort, has the down-hominess of a cucumber sandwich. Still, judging by her nearly 3-to-1 margin of victory in the Toothless Belt of West Virginia and Kentucky -- where race trumps sex every time -- her shtick seems to be working.

She needs to take care, though. Having lived in southwestern Virginia in a town where the first day of deer season was a legit day off from school, I know the type of electorate that Hillary is courting, and she may want to think twice before she continues down this path. Otherwise, if she's elected, she'll be deluged by lobbyists from the gun rack and banjo industries. Her leading corporate donors will be Skoal, Slim Jim, and Wild Turkey, and we'll have the Ku Klux Klan marching band performing Hank Williams, Jr. covers at her inaugural ball.

Sure, it's all cute and folksy right now, but you give these people an inch, and they'll take a mile. If only there was a way to segregate them in some sort of "separate but equal" framework...

Truth is, every politician is an elitist. Even Dubya went to Yale and owned the Texas Rangers. If we really wanted a man of the people, Jesse Ventura would be president, with Randy "Machoman" Savage as the Secretary of Whoopass.