Hillary Clinton: The Psycho Ex-Girlfriend of the Democratic Party
Despite all the math counting her out, Hillary Clinton fervently remains in the race to become the Democratic nominee for president in 2008. She has become the Democratic Party's psycho ex-girlfriend, and she's not going away without a restraining order.
It's 2:31 AM. The Democratic Party is sleeping peacefully when it hears its phone buzz on the night stand. It rolls over and sees "Hillary" on the caller ID. It pauses briefly, considering pushing "END" and not dealing with this shit tonight. The thought is appealing but the Democratic Party knows that if it doesn't take this call, another one is only minutes away.
DEMS: ...Hello?
Hillary: Hey baby.
DEMS: C'mon Hillary. Enough with this.
Hillary: Don't you get it? You NEED me.
DEMS: No, I don't. It was fun while it lasted but I'm with Barack now. I made my choice, it's done.
Hillary: You can't really mean that. How can you say that after all the good times we had?
DEMS: To be honest, I started hanging out with you because Bill's pretty awesome.
Hillary: But I'm just like Bill!
DEMS: No, you're not. Bill is charismatic, inspiring, and gets me really good weed.
Hillary: Fuck you. You're elitist!
DEMS: I'm going back to sleep.
Hillary: No, no, wait. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Listen... there's still got to be a chance. Remember when people told George W it was all over. When the numbers were against him?
DEMS: Yeah but...
Hillary: Remember?! And remember how everyone said America didn't really want to be with George W? But they stuck it out anyway?
DEMS: Yeah and they're really fucked up now, Hillary.
Hillary: But WE'LL make it work. Forget Barack, baby. Just take me back and we can forget this ever happened.
DEMS: Look, I think you're a really good Senator... let's just keep it that way, OK?
Hillary: ...I'll see you at the convention.
DEMS: No! Hillary I told you...
CLICK
DEMS: Dammit. Crazy bitch.
Labels: politically erect
posted by Johnny Highland at
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
61 Comments:
You should have proposed anal
That is fantastic.
AND I KNOW PSYCHO BITCHES.
This is full of win.
This is full of win.
She's deep in denial; no matter what evidence is presented that it's over, she ignores it. It's kind of like Bush and Iraq, or Bush and global warming, or Bush and, well, like Bush period. I wrote about it here:
http://youngpuppet.blogspot.com/2008/05/last-person-to-know.html
It's funny because it's true... but the fact that it's true makes me wrist-slicingly sad.
That's freakin' hysterical. Followed link off Will Wheaton's twitter
Love it...glad to see my site is still remebered
Mark McElwain
The psychoexgirlfriend.com guy
Spot on...
So true, so sad, so flippin' funny.
Also here because of Wil Wheaton's Twitter.
"You've been Wil'd" is the new "You've been Slashdotted."
Soooo funny. :)
so sad... because it's so true...
What's so sad is she doesn't care if she ruins the democratic party, it's all about her. And any idea she's come up with that sounded good Barrack said a week earlier. The gas tax is a McCain super blunder that would backfire like a huge bomb. She runs on negativity, she doesn't realize Pastor Wright and Obama are two separate people. She already sold out to the pharmaceutical companies when she first gave up on health care, proving she could be bought and sold. No one throws her story of sniper fire and bombs in her face as they should, because she is a liar. May her nomination rest in peace now and let's get on with defeating Bush's mini-me.
Shouldn't the phone call be coming in at THREE A.M.?
Remember all you B.O. supporters, he's not: a hero, a savior, a friend-to-all, a mastermind, a genius, an incredible leader, or the answer to all our prayers. No one in either party is. Got it? No one. They're politians, all of them. And they never would have been elected to office in the 1st place or be running for president if they weren't in pocket of corporate moneied interests. It's going to take a minimum of at least two more presidents at two terms each to clean up bush's disaster. The sooner you stop wishing for someone/anyone to save you, the sooner we'll get on the right track.
oh My Great Goodness that was hysterical. I am so glad I am not the only one who thinks Hillary has gone past b*tch on to crazy b*itch. When I saw her speak this morning after her sound defeat and now impossiblity of winning and she sat there with that fake assed smile saying it's a game changer (AGAIN) and she will march on to the White House. Yeah, and Barack's Secret Service dudes will drag her ass out!
Remember all you B.O. supporters, he's not: a hero, a savior, a friend-to-all, a mastermind, a genius, an incredible leader, or the answer to all our prayers.
It's hard to say exactly what makes a "hero", but I think there are many heroic aspects to the man.
He's not a friend-to-all, but I think he's a friend to all descent human beings who have some trace of humanitarianism and the capacity for compromise.
He has certainly been a mastermind and a genius by accomplishing what was once nearly unthinkable - out-organizing the Clinton dynasty that got about a 15-year head-start on him, and had a previous 8 years in office to establish all the power/money connections a career politician could hope for, and that unflinchingly threw everything from the Karl Rove playbook at him. "Mastermind" and "genius" are not big enough to describe what Obama has done. He's a mastermind and a genius. Got it? A mastermind and a genius.
And they never would have been elected to office in the 1st place or be running for president if they weren't in pocket of corporate moneied interests.
Do you have any idea how much money Obama has raised from small donors? That's part of the reason he beat Clinton, even though she had far more corporate backing. Now Obama's not an angel, and I know about his dealings with the ethanol industry and Exelon energy, but if that is part of the game you have to play to at least move up the government ladder and accomplish the good things that you hope to, then so be it. I'd rather that than he act like a perfect angel and lose to a lobbyist-loving hack like Clinton or McCain.
Also don't forget that Ron Paul raised more money than any other Republican, and raised more money in a single day than any U.S. presidential candidate in history - and pretty much has had zero dealings with "monied interests". So please tone down the cynicism just a notch and be a little more practical.
It's going to take a minimum of at least two more presidents at two terms each to clean up bush's disaster.
Maybe it will take longer. That doesn't change the fact that Obama will be one of the top five presidents in our country's history.
The sooner you stop wishing for someone/anyone to save you, the sooner we'll get on the right track.
I don't want someone/anyone - I want a freakin' genius like Barack Obama or Ron Paul.
I keep referring to your predictions on dipdive, you're pretty close. I wish we could tack the two points Obama made up on you on the Penn Primary and tack them on his Indiana primary.
The next man on the moon will be Chinese.
Clever and sexist. As an ardent Obama supporter I'm offended that this is what the dialogue has come to.
Luigi: sexist? Maybe more girls should use logic, and move on with their lives instead of attaching themselves to guys the first time they have sex... Then there would be no such thing as a psycho ex girlfriend...
this is the funniest thing that I have seen all year.
I love it.
you have to get this on a radio or TV show !
It will be very funny later. But right now, the reality of a possible FATAL ATTRACTION by the Clintons, is kinda scary.
Luigi,
I hate to break this to you, but people have gender. (Some even have two.) It' "psycho ex-girlfriend" not "psycho ex-boyfriend" for a reason. Hillary is female - duh.
Please stop this sickening tack of calling criticism of Hillary "sexist". It's not sexist, it's what she deserves for being a self-absorbed fear-mongering sociopath.
You don't want to be with me because your drunk ass forgot all about the good times we had in Florida and Michigan! But no, you wanted an abortion... both times! Now look at the shit we're in. All I ask is that you don't act like you don't recognize me next year when both Obama and I have to serve on the same sentate sub-commitee and president McCain is fucking you like the one-legged whore you are.
Best. Post. Ever.
The post is hysterical... even if the math it's based on is incorrect.
http://tinyurl.com/4t5eqq
Yeah, she is kind of acting like Meryl Streep in Fatal Attraction.
Watch your bunnies.
Damn right Hillary should not go away. Now that would be psycho!
HILLARY 08
Oh yeah Jester, we totally need a president who will threaten to "obliterate" Iran, and who is a compulsive liar, and who voted on the Flag Desecration Amendment, and who voted on the Iraq war, and who can't manage the finances of her own campaign.
That's soooo what we need in a leader right now. Of course it would be psycho for her to drop out against insurmountable odds.
Riiiight.
Broken Ladder, you sound like a broken record!
Been there, heard that ... the usual bitter anti-Clinton ranting.
What's new? Nothing it seems. The usual sexist-fuelled, half truths ... of course, we only get the full picture if it's filled with the transcendant Obama!
Yeah baby!
HILLARY 08
I'd forgotten the Flag Amendment. One more reason to see Hill as GOP Lite.
No more. Dear God, no more.
That doesn't change the fact that Obama will be one of the top five presidents in our country's history.
I'll eat my hat if you can name five. There's a sucker born every minute, and the Democratic party is over 200 years old, so yeah, we're outnumbered.
Hillary is the psycho exgirlfriend but when I hear shit like that it's obvious she ain't alone in the Democratic party. I've seen donuts less glazed over.
Let's see, she's won PA, IN, OH, TX, CA, FL and a host of other important (for Dems) states, and you call her "psycho?"
Prepare for your sojourn to the political desert, Dems, if you nominate Sen. Obama (D-Extreme Buyer's Remorse). Figure on wandering there for the next, oh, twenty years or so.
"Won't someone rid us of this meddlesome woman and let the coronation of the neo-Tut commence?"
yes.we.can yes.we.can yes.we.can yes.we.can [/glassy_eyed_chant]
Broken Ladder, you sound like a broken record!
How original...not.
What's new? Nothing it seems. The usual sexist-fuelled, half truths
None of my criticisms of Hillary Clinton have had to do with her gender. They've been about her obsession with power, her compulsive lying, her war-mongering and fear-mongering "obliterate Iran" comments, etc.
These aren't half-truths, these are verifiable facts. Have you seen the clips of her claims about the Tuzla incident? Hello - it's on video.
I think it is kind of despicable that Clinton supporters are so unconcerned with objective facts, and just have this mindless kind of loyalty to her, and claim that all criticism of her is sexism.
of course, we only get the full picture if it's filled with the transcendant Obama!
What's your problem with Obama, you racist.
But seriously, I'm a Ron Paul supporter, and many months ago, I was marching around the streets of San Francisco talking about Obama's CFR affiliation, and his friends in the ethanol industry, and his dealings with Exelon energy - you name it. I know he's not an angel. Most of his supporters know that, and are actually supporting him because of his excellent record of principle and integrity and political effectiveness and bipartisanship. Yet, ironically, the Clinton camp makes it out like Obama is the cult of personality, and his supporters are delusional.
Most Clinton fans I've talked to are utterly clueless on policy, and believe all kinds of myths like "Hillary's got more experience". Ask them about her Flag Desecration Amendment vote, her pro-Iraq-war vote, her Iran comments, her NAFTA record, her health initiative failure, her Tuzla lies, or her endless dirty tricks and negative campaigning throughout this primary season, and you simply won't get any rational answer. They're not an educated faction. They're sold on her persona, or even because they really want a woman president. Nothing wrong with that by any means - it's high time. But it should be a woman with principle, who is rational - which Hillary is not. Give me Karen Kwiatkowski and I'll crawl to the polling station to vote for her. But not Hillary. She's a sociopath. Literally.
Let's see, she's won PA, IN, OH, TX, CA, FL and a host of other important (for Dems) states, and you call her "psycho?"
She lost Texas actually, but regardless, so what? A majority of Americans believe in crazy superstition like angels and creationism. The popular vote is not an indication of whether something is crazy.
Prepare for your sojourn to the political desert, Dems, if you nominate Sen. Obama (D-Extreme Buyer's Remorse). Figure on wandering there for the next, oh, twenty years or so.
Obama has consistently done better against McCain than Clinton in all kinds of polling, and has attracted demographics in the primaries that support this. His ability to fundraise alone will leave McCain in the dust.
You are just being bitter and crazy to imply that Hillary Clinton - one of the most polarizing figures in the American politics in generations - would do better against McCain. As a socially leftist libertarian, I'd take McCain over Clinton. I'd feel sick voting for either of them, but McCain's not quite as crazy as her. And there are a lot of people like me out there.
You'd better get ready for this lanky mulatto President with big ears, because that's what you're getting, no matter how delusional you are about that reality.
geekmommy,
The math it's based on is quite correct, and your argument to the contrary is based on odds approximately equal to the chance that I might quantum tunnel my way to China sitting here in my chair.
Get in touch with reality. Clinton mathematically cannot win.
chairman Me:
I eat, breathe, and sleep politics, and I have contributed a fair amount of content for this site. Please eat your hat for me, since I could certainly name at least 30 Presidents off the top of my head.
In any case, you can can it with this "glazed over" nonsense that Obama detractors love to mindlessly spew. We're not clueless here, we've seen his voting record. We've watched the debates. We've read those Matt Taibbi articles that talk about his lobbyist connections. I've watched the pundits on cable news, and Bill Maher's show talk about these candidates ad nauseam. I've read accounts of his character by politicians like Bill Richardsone and Claire McCaskill. I've watched the Mike Wallace interview with Obama. I've watched the O'Reilly interview with Clinton.
I know who these people are man. Do you understand? I spend hours every day reading political blogs and news sites and $#*$# Wikipedia articles. Lots of Obama supporters are just like that. Educated and rational political obsessives. And people like you want to knock us because you think Obama is all hype.
But you don't know what you're talking about. You haven't paid attention the way we have. You haven't done your homework the way we have. Consequently you are naive and ignorant about these candidates.
You Dems are slowing down. There were three comments published before this was linked to George Bush.
Karl Rove, you magnificent bastard!!!
we've seen his voting record.
And there-in lies your problem. So will centrists (the only voters that matter anymore) voting in the general election (the only one that counts, a fact that seems to have been forgotten by both camps) and Obama's far-left, economy-wrecking, foreign policy nightmare voting record will ensure a devastating loss. His record of never having compromised or worked in a bipartisan manner will demonstrate a pathological rigidity that will make Bush look like Mother Teresa.
Clinton mathematically cannot win.
She doesn't need math. In the ridiculously complex nomination process as it stands today, she only needs to win politically. Mathematically, all she has to do is stay in the game, and she has already accomplished that.
I can't tell you World Citizens how refreshing it is to see you coming around to the truth of the Clintons we Americans have been yelling from the rooftops since 1992.
When CNN's Jack Cafferty read the list of Clinton sins (Whitewater, Rose Law Firm, FBI files, Travelgate, etc., etc.) as if he were Sean Hannity's sock puppet I laughed out loud.
When MoveOn.org (created to defend Clinton) turned against Clinton, I rolled on the floor. The irony was too much.
And now, you have taken to calling the Democrat New York US Senator a psycho bitch. With friends like you...
Note to Obama-worshippers: this empty suit into which you pour all your socialist hopes and dreams will let you down even worse.
I can't wait.
This is so funny! Just last night on the way home I wondered to myself if Hillary, in another life than the one she's living, would be a stalker ... or psycho - the kind that never gives up .....
I can't wait till Dems are elected President and we can clean up all these Bush foreign policy messes.
First, we'll abandon Iraq's democratic gov't to Sunni and Shia extremists, who will use the country as a base to carry out terrorist attacks all over the world while engaging in their own local full-scale civil war. Everyone will love that! "Yay America!" they'll say.
Next, we'll renege on all our free trade agreements, because even though American workers are the richest and most privileged in the world, it's never enough! The world will understand, and the global Great Depression that follows our trade war will be hailed by environmentalists for reducing carbon emissions. Yay Earth!
Broken Ladder said: "What's your problem with Obama, you racist."
Your response says it all!!! Totally makes nonsense of anything you write, which so far, for the record, is not in the same class as the article.
But I will address one point: "... she lost Texas actually".
No, actually. Hell no. Psycho no, actually. Yes, he limped off with more delegates because of the disproportionality of the proportional system, but she WON the people's vote, he was GIVEN more delegates.
Kinda weird, I thought the sum total of elections was about people ...
Psycho bitches rule!!
Jester
Broken Ladder was obviously kidding with the "What's your problem with Obama, you racist" comment.
Showing how ridiculous it is to sum up every criticism of Clinton to sexism.
It's like saying every criticism of the Israeli government is due to antisemitism.
And if the people's will should stand in Texas, why shouldn't it stand for the entire country. Who is leading in popular vote? Not Hillary.
A lot of people here are clueless about Obama's economics prowess. He's a better fiscal conservative than most conservatives. He's socially very liberal, but economically very capitalist for a Democrat.
His brilliant foreign policy of being anti-war makes him all the closer to a true conservative.
You Suck.
Broken Ladder, you sound like you're talking about your biker boyfriend to your dissaproving parents. You don't understand him...and you don't understand me!!!
By the way, congratulations on being able to name 75% of our presidents. Keep eating, breathing, and shiting politics--and watching Bill Maher, not to repeat the last point--and soon you may even be able to identify 66% of federal government's branches off the top of your head, or 75% of the states.
Mmmm. Fire up the Krispy Kreme conveyer belt.
Congratulations on going viral.
chairman me:
You perfectly support my point, that Obama detractors are generally an unsophisticated lot, so unable to form any cogent fact-based criticism of Obama's policies or character that you are reduced to mocking the zeal of his supporters.
Your juvenile biker analogy misses the point. It's not that I think you don't understand our "love for Obama", it's that you are simply crude, cynical, and unintellectual. You think you're really bright and witty, but you don't have the kind of rational objective thinking or humility that it takes to really even comprehend the Obama movement. And like many others, you mock what you do not comprehend.
The really pathetic part is the idea that we can judge a person's political awareness by the number of presidents they can name. You're not even aware of how ridiculous you sound.
artie peterson gets it.
sexist creep blog post
It's stuff like this that makes me want to vote for Hillary
There's nothing sexist here. It's based on her behavior, not her gender.
Every time Clinton supporters pull the race card, I despise them more. There's no limit to how low they'll stoop.
Blah blah fishcakes. This is degrading.
Maybe it will take longer. That doesn't change the fact that Obama will be one of the top five presidents in our country's history.
Wow. Talk about drinking the cool aid. What the hell are you basing this on? Maybe he will be a great president (if he's elected) or maybe he'll be a complete and utter failure. Everyone needs to stop worshiping the man.
The sooner you stop wishing for someone/anyone to save you, the sooner we'll get on the right track.
You're right, we should all just give up on trying to make the country we live in better. Let's elect Bush President for Life! This country's screwed anyway, why should we hope for anyone better?
Priceless! Thank you.
Re Chris and Bush and Global Warming.
Chris, I would encourage you to research what some meteorologists are saying and depend so much on Al Gore for your 'truth.'
Thom
(apart from the f... language -Simply Hillary-ious!!!!
Fast Barry was on the other side of the bed, snorting lines...
Tell Hilary I want my t-shirt back. She can keep the mixed-tape.
I find it ridiculous that someone would refer to you as sexist. And I am a feminist. And I support Obama.
This post made me laugh. I needed that- thanks!
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